school is over. starting new job tomorrow. lots of things have happened and ive been focusing on helping myself and becoming a better person. i know i say this often and it never comes to fruition, but now that i dont have the burden of school, and i also think im just going to stop letting social norms restrain me from doing what i want, i really do want to make plastic veggies sometime this year. i need to stop setting such high goals and expectations for myself. it probably wont be a palatable to others. im kind of expecting to lose a lot of friends and follower-base from it. i dont think im a horrible person but on a surface level its really easy to assume things. ive been through bad things and i think portraying it in a humorous or un serious way would help me cope but i also understand if it makes people feel uncomfortable and want to leave. but yeah, itll probably be weird and people wont like it. i think ill get weird labels slapped onto me but thats also just a consequence of being yourself on the internet. im trying to live my best life and i want to feel free in my artistic expression. i dropped out of art school, and im taking a gap year and im going to go to a trade school for dentistry. i hope this lack of pressure artistically will help me feel more inclined to be creative. i enjoyed the fundamentals courses in art school but drawing 3 was so miserable, literally just drawing still lifes every day with no homework other than "draw whatever idk" every month until the last month of the semester. im going to be living on my own and renting properly and im going to live with my girlfriend and life will be good. i cannot let myself down. im not a horrible person for being hurt, i need to remind myself that often. encouragement would be nice. new friends would also be nice. if anyone ever does actually read this stuff, whenever someone reaches out via guestbook i always get really happy. itd be fun to have new friends to play games with. i really only ever hang out with my girlfriend lately. i just want life to be better. i hope i can start making comics for real. please encourage me if anyone ever has the energy. it really does help. as my life gets better, im also hoping that everybody elses life is too. it's hard to be alive right now. to anyone reading, i hope you know that im thinking about you in a way. realistically, you are never alone in a situation. someone else is going through the same as you and its kind of horrible to realize that, but also comforting. it just takes effort to find those people. i want all to be well in the end for everybody, thats it

feeling a bit guilty for not having written in a while, but life has thrown a lot of junk at me. turned the big two zero...20 finally lol. i spent my birthday distraught about that, cried in the bathroom a bit lol, it was incredibly dramatic. im over it now though, im still the same as before. just odd not being able to call myself a teenager anymore. but aging shouldnt be scary i dont think. or i thought, lol. because last week i had found a lump in my chest, conveniently the day of halloween right after we had watched gummo, so the scene of the girl with breast cancer was fresh in my mind and i was honestly mortified. we dont know what it is yet, im in for an ultrasound next tuesday, but the fact that its a bit painful means its not cancer so yaay! trying to keep my hopes up. ive been playing lots of animal crossing lately to cope, because ive honestly become a bit depressed from everything. but i know its gonna work out, i just reaallly hate the anticipation. im grateful to my girlfriend because shes kept me mentally sound for the most part. i want to draw more often but i think ill take a break from commissions for a while. i yearn for creative freedom, and school plus commissions makes me not feel like i have much room to be super imaginative in the way id like. i dont want to sound like a beggar, but im unsure how much financial damage this chest thing will do so i will put it out there again that i do have a kofi in case anyone would be kind enough to help. i dont know how much itll be but any amount helps. i hope school ends soon so i can get a job again and not have to worry about that stuff. ugh!!! well, after these commissions i really want to draw for myself more. i need to get off mah damn phone and start being productive...thats just a life update..until next time....

i realized tomorrow is nine eleven. holy crap xD... i got mostly finished decorating my dorm room, i might link some pictures because im kind of proud. i have a few items on display that im really proud of, like my cross days shitajiki, my familymart len nendoroid, and "kawaii clutter" (but its really just me making a mess lol). my life has been kept interesting for the past couple of weeks, like for labor day weekend i went with my mom to california because she wanted to go, and we had a lot of fun together. im grateful that her and i get along so well, because i dont really like to travel with people other than her. on the first day we went to little tokyo, and i bought a bunch of cute small things. i got a really cool cat bandana that ive been wearing a lot lately, its my new favorite accessory. then some ankle socks with moominpappa on them, but i couldnt find the snufkin keychain that i had bought last time :[ i had lost him at school and never found him again... but me and my mom got steamed buns together; she got a chicken curry bun and i got a nikuman, it was really really freaking good. we went to a couple more stores and i bought this super adorable chiikawa washi tape, using it sparingly of course... it has momonga on it who i like the most :D also a knight dude who i love... the day after we went to universal studios and it was kind of a miss, but we didnt have a bad time. i really wanted to go to the mario place first but i didnt know any better, and we went in line for the only ride there... it said 75 minute wait, and that was whatever, but it ended up taking TWO HOURS!!! probably more. but what goes around comes around, and i was talking to one of the ride managers because i thought their uniform was really awesome, and i told him i was looking for the pins they were handing out and he directed me on where to get them, but when i looked after the ride they were all gone :[ but like i said! what goes around comes around...and when we were on our way out of the park, far away from where the mario stuff was, that same ride manager was there! and he ran up to us and gave us both the free buttons, and i was so happy. im protecting them for now but i might get a badge sleeve so i can wear it around. then on the last day, we went to a couple more shops and i got gifts for my girlfriend, like a polar bear sticker sheet and a hello kitty plushie where shes dressed up like chucky, cause my girlfriend loves that stuff a lot. sadly though for the past few days ive been having a bad brain streak, but im getting better at coping with it and im very grateful to have my girlfriend to help me. so despite that, things have been good! this was kind of a long entry, but i hope things are going well for the people reading this too. ill probably link some images soon!

today marks the first real day ive been living in my dorm. moved in yesterday and went grocery shopping with mah roomies. it was lots of fun finally being around people i know and like. my last roommates were kind of weird except one, who im living with again this year. we got to pick out who we live with, so me and my friends all chose each other. i can tell we're all very compatible already. our gaming setup is crazy right now lol, but impressive. i guess i should put a picture for remembrance. i dont know whether i should bring my dreamcast but i want to, probably just for my room. you might be wondering, why the heck do you have 2 playstations? well, the psx is japanese and finding a region breaking rom was difficult and expensive, and i dont want to physically mod my consoles cause im dumb, so honestly the cheapest option was to buy an american one. i was able to find a psone slim for $60 on ebay, which isnt bad at all since it game with 2 controllers and 2 memory cards! i checked the data and it has harvest moon progress on one of the memory cards, so ill be on the lookout for that even though harvest moon is really expensive nowadays....well, i really hope i can find it, and that my classes go well this year. i hope the best for any other college students reading aswell :]

hmmmm..........cant say anythings really happened since the last entry which is kinda sad! i should start doing more with my life... well, i did go to the arcade again. most fun thing ever omg..... i wanted to play more popn to hone my skills but some teenagers who were REALLY good were hogging the machine and like. well. i could have asked them if i could have a turn but theyd probably watch me suck major ass lul. no thanks. ugh i need to make a new art gallery but putting all my work from the past year into one place is gonna be sooooo time consuming...but worth it. i honestly just dont know the layout i want for it yet. probably something more formal. the coding on this site is atrocious!!! eek. now that i think about it ive kinda been wasting my time. definitely should work more on this site instead of doing literally nothing on runescape. the gears have been turning in my head about it, okay...
guys. hold me accountable PLEAAASE! i beg!!!!

new diary halfway thru the year...hoorahh..... i think i will use this as a 2024-2025 diary because at this point ill have a bunch of crazy short pages! hm,. what have i even been DOING lately. who knows. working full time. building new relationships. actually working on plasticveggies stuff! though work has been kicking my ass lol. once i am done with this commission i plan on doing more with plastic vegetables. currently worldbuilding lol. never realized how hard it would be. ill make a new art page soon, cause ive done a lot! i am very grateful to the friends ive met through neocities, the people who have been here since day one, and the new people too :] every comment motivates me or at least makes me happy. i hope to give back to you guys someday